Kitchendom Under Siege

Hun and I went on our monthly Sam's trek to stock up with all our food items of for the month. Hun recently became more invested in our diet, so pondered and calculated nutrition-information labels on the back of Cup o' Soups and instant macaroni boxes. He expressed great chagrin at the amount of sodium and sugar infused into precooked and over-processed products. I gently reminded him in order to have a low-sodium diet, it helped to process our own food--i.e. cook.

He also requested to buy more salmon, which I recently learned how to bake. This leads me to the second point. Every weekend or so, I like to cook mass quantities of food, such as green chili, red chili, spaghetti sauce, etc.--all easy to let simmer over the stove and to store in the freezer. That way, I don't get stuck cooking and chopping things at 8:30 at night after I come home from work. Luckily, the salmon is pretty easy to prepare. Other things, requested for the sake of more variety, are a bit more time intensive and not so convenient to cook and freeze on the weekends.

This leads me to my third point: yours truly not only the primary bacon provider in the household, she is the one usually frying it up in a pan. If I do not cook, we often will have a hearty meal of PB&J and cereal. I made mention of the fact that expanding our food repertoire and the drive to eat more healthy is good. However, the burden of cooking all these healthy meals often lands on me.

This leads me to my fourth point: be careful what you wish for. Hun acknowledged it was unfair to push for a more healthy diet without pitching in meal preps. As a result of being the Renaissance Alan Alda-type guy that he is, Hun rolled up his shirt sleeves this evening and started chopping and boiling. He wanted to make lasagna--in my Le Creuset pot. Hun went into all this thermodynamic stuff about why it would be a better dish to cook lasagna than the other five casserole dishes sitting in the cabinets. My thought was, Chip the porcelain coating on my Creuset, you won't live long enough to marry me in Jamaica this summer.

I used the big guns, I called my mom, asking her if he could actually cook a lasagna successfully in my pot. She said of course he could, but didn't we have a casserole dish? Hun went on about thermodynamics as I was on the phone with her and mom giggled in response. Not much help there.

He then proceeded to tell me how he would make the lasagna. I continued to squirm, that wouldn't be how I would do it. I asked him why he didn't do it my more superior way, and he asked for reasoning why my way was better. Although I did hammer a few points in, I didn't have any other reasons except that was just how things were done. He looked at me as if I were insane.

At that point, I made a tactical retreat to the living room to cover myself in my blanket, and pretend to watch Independence Day. All the while, I was obsessing about what the heck he was doing in my kitchen, with my pots and pans and my food.

CLANKATY-CLANKATY-CLANG . . .

. . . oops, he he, I guess you wonder if an elephant is cooking here. Don't worry, Betty, it might sound like I'm breaking all your dishes, but I'm not . . . he he!

I stew--no pun intended--in silence, trying to focus on alien invaders burning down New York City and D.C., rather than the domestic invader currently burning down my kitchen.

Hey Hun, (Yes, he calls me Hun, too.) I set the oven for about 350, right?

Damnit.

Yes, that's right.

Well, that was easy, the man has an M.S. in Chemistry for goodness sake. Any buffoon could have guessed 350. However, he did cook a damn fine lasagna in my dutch oven. Perhaps, one day, I'll forgive him for storming the kitchen. It will be nice to come home and stare at my toes a few nights a week instead of cooking dinner. He also can cook a mean spaghetti sauce. All I need for him to do now is learn how to cook brisket. But he better not dare attempt green chili--I get dibs.